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Colonel Sanders
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Colonel Sanders

He forever changed the lives of millions. He enriched thousands of cultures around the globe. He brought about a new era of peace and prosperity. Never before in history has there been one like him and never again shall one have such a profound impact on our world as did this man. I speak of course, of Colonel Sanders. Contrary to what some would have you believe, he did not gain his fame from his service in the army, but like this nations military, he is responsible for the great American way of life which we hold so dear. The Colonel was the first to discover a way to cook chickens quickly --- he used an oven; prior to this time, restaurants would simply bang two chickens together until they started a fire. With this new technology and his special seasoning, Sanders opened the first Kentucky Fried Chicken, the chain began of course in... Delaware. After its debut, the restaurant quickly spread to all corners of the globe, the governor of Kentucky gave Sanders the honorary title of Colonel for letting people that there was indeed, a place called Kentucky. Sanders died... eventually, but that didnt stop his francise carreer. Of course, nothing makes people want to eat chicken more, than to see a dead man getting funky on national TV. So, next wednesday when you sit down to eat your reprocessed mashed potatoes with that brilliant innovation thats not quite a spoon, and not quite a fork, take a moment to think of the man who made it all possible, a beloved national hero, Colonel Sanders.